Adoption: 'What if you are the family they have been waiting for? (2023)

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Paula and Terry Hogan were on a weekend wine-tasting trip when the call came. They were going to have twins.

The Hogans put down their wine glasses. Within days they were frantically shopping for cribs, painting and reorganizing a spare bedroom for the two-year-olds.

Adoption doesn’t always come to those who wait. When it does come, it may look different than expected. But the Hogans have a message for prospective adoptive parents: “Where you end up is not always where you started, but it can be the best possible outcome.”

At their Vancouver townhome, Rosy, now 12, hurtles toward the mini-trampoline, while her twin sister Victoria nestles into the sofa to sneak a moment on the iPad.

When the call came, the Hogans had been waiting for years to become parents. Like many couples, they were hoping to adopt an infant. Already in their mid-40s, they knew their age made them less attractive to birth mothers looking for adoptive parents through private adoption.

So they opened themselves up to foster children, sibling groups and children with special needs. Shortly after attending a meet-and-greet organized by the Child and Family Development Ministry, the call came. Could they take two-year-old twins — in two weeks?

“It was a shock,” said Terry Hogan.

The girls were on the autism spectrum, almost non-verbal, and their medical file showed they might face significant learning challenges.

Ten years and a lot of love later, the girls are in school, are avid speedskaters, enthusiastic travel companions (as long as there is a pool), and like most kids their age, eager to sneak a moment on their electronics.

The Hogans are a family.

Anne Tower, executive director of the Adoptive Families Association of B.C., said it’s important for families to be open to the possibilities of different kinds of family matches and “permanency” options.

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“Over the last decade, the adoption landscape has changed dramatically,” said Tower.

The number of children available for adoption has plummeted.

“There are far fewer children and youth available for adoption. B.C.’s waiting kids tend to be older, in sibling groups who need to stay together or have higher levels of special needs,” said Tower.

In 2018 and 2019, two of B.C.’s four adoption agencies closed. Factors influencing this downward trend include a greater emphasis in the province on family preservation.

Additionally, many countries have suspended or restricted international adoption. China’s reversal of their one-child policy has reduced availability for children from that country and there is a growing debate about the ethics of transracial adoption.

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And significant changes have been made to B.C.’s adoption legislation to ensure Indigenous children connected to their families, communities and culture.

Kinship adoption and Indigenous custom adoption, which allows for Indigenous families, or communities, to create culturally appropriate permanency placements for Indigenous kids, are important new ways to forge families.

In 2021-22, 134 adoptions of children from government care in B.C. were completed. Currently there are 185 adoption homes approved, and 827 children eligible for adoption in B.C.

From July 1, 2021, to June 30, 2022, 51 international adoptions were completed, and only 17 domestic placements (where birth parents voluntarily place a child with an adoptive parent).

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The three main avenues of adoption in B.C. have historically been adoption from foster care, private placement from a birth family through a licensed agency and international adoption.

“Permanency is about family, belonging, lifelong care and connection,” said Tower.

In B.C., a single adult can adopt, and two adults can apply to adopt together, whether they’re a heterosexual or gay couple, or even just two committed friends.

Erin McKinney’s family was created with her cousin and roommate Brad Baxter. McKinney, who is Metis-Ojibway, was just 30 years old when an adoption recruiter reached out, looking for someone to adopt a distant relative.

Nathaniel, a feisty five-year-old who had been in the care of the Child and Family Development Ministry since age two, was a distant cousin, related through Erin’s grandmother. Nathaniel was a stranger to McKinney. He was also family. She was unemployed at the time and lived in a basement suite. It was hardly a conventional situation.

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“He’s a cousin, and I’d always wanted kids. You just can’t say no,” said McKinney.

The attachment grew naturally as the two got to know each other.

“He’d be crying after a visit when he had to go back to his foster family. He wanted to stay.”

McKinney climbed every hurdle to become Nathaniel’s mom: she moved to a three-bedroom apartment, found a full-time job, took a parenting course, found daycare and joined a parenting group, with Baxter on-board offering support as an “uncle/dad.”

Now 19, Nathaniel is thriving and completing his first year in BCIT’s electrician program.

“We can never imagine our life without him. He completed us, he made us a family. He made me a mom. I tell him that all the time. Thank you for making me a mom,” McKinney said.

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Tower said the Child and Family Development Ministry’s emphasis on family preservation and its shift toward supporting other forms of permanency has had a positive impact.

But there are still kids waiting for adoption in B.C. through the ministry.

“B.C.’s waiting kids tend to be older, in sibling groups who need to stay together or have higher levels of special needs, some with learning disabilities, traumatic experiences or exposure to alcohol,” said Tower. “If it seems overwhelming, remember you don’t need to meet the needs of every single waiting child — just one child or one group of siblings. What if you are the family they have been waiting for?”

The Hogans were that family for Victoria and Rosy. Along the way, they say they have learned patience, found a new community and are immensely proud of their girls.

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“I tell them, they can do anything. A diagnosis doesn’t change your child. It just shows you how they function in the world,” said Terry Hogan.

dryan@postmedia.com

Facts about Indigenous child welfare in B.C.

As of February 2023, the Ministry of Child and Family Development has the lowest number of Indigenous children and youth in foster care in 20 years.

In 2022, over 93 per cent of Indigenous children who needed protection were able to return to living safely with their families after receiving supports.

The province passed the UN Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples act in 2019. Legislation for child welfare in B.C., the Child, Family and Community Service Act, was reformed to align with the Declaration, and transformations in child-welfare practices.

On Nov. 24, 2022, Bill 38: Indigenous Self-Government in Child and Family Services Amendment Act was passed into law. The bill removed barriers for Indigenous governing bodies to exercise jurisdiction over child and family services.

As part of implementing Bill 38, the ministry has:

• Implemented new policies and practices to meet the national principles and standards;

• Applied the legislation to front-line work and created stronger service delivery principles in B.C.’s child-welfare legislation, requiring consultation and co-operation with Indigenous Peoples and co-ordination with Indigenous services; and

• Provided training to more than 2,000 front-line ministry staff and partners at Indigenous Child and Family Service Agencies on the new legislation, policies and changes to practice.

Changes to the Adoption Act have also been made to strengthen consultation, co-operation and consent requirements on adoption placements for Indigenous children, and enable joint and consent-based decision-making agreements and statutory power deals, as outlined in the Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples Act.

— Source: Child and Family Development Ministry

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